The following is taken from Scott Noelle's fabulous site "Enjoyparenting.com". I subscribe to his Daily Groove and can attest to the fact that is truly grounds me in to the parent I strive to be.
The Daily Groove
The Roots of Violence
by Scott Noelle, posted on 2007-04-17
Nothing is more natural than for a child to become angry when his or her intention is thwarted. Anger is a reaction to perceived entrapment or disempowerment; it activates the body's primal energies for restoring freedom and personal power. These energies can be applied violently... or creatively.
But when anger itself is thwarted — when those energies are successfully suppressed via threats of punishment, withdrawal, or exclusion — the child will descend into hopelessness (relative to the original intention, if not generally). The child may then appear "well-adjusted," but those energies persist, like a sleeping volcano, increasing the potential for extreme violence.
So when you empower children rather than thwarting them, you make the world a less violent, more peaceful place. However, it gets tricky when parents think they have to thwart themselves to empower their children, as that can awaken their own raging volcanoes.
Today, look for ways to experience power with your child. Be creative. Think outside the box. Give as much as you can and still feel good. And remember that you are not the ultimate Source of your child's power.
This got me to thinking, about the boiling point that arises with in me, when I come head to head with my children's determination to get their needs met. The shift for me, just today, is realizing, in those moments it is not about them at all!! They are perfectly going about getting just what the need/want in the moment. I am struggling with the little girl inside of me, who figured out very early on in life, that she was best to just shut up and behave. So, when my boys are striving to have it all, be it all in this BIG world that wants them to be small, that little girl inside of me, uses my big adult body to try and get a little power back, to have a chance to be the boss. It really comes down to .... well a temper tantrum I am having. What now I wonder? Could it be as simple as healing my own inner child, through embracing my children with the truth of abundance and the opportunity to continually feel empowered. Oh ya and creating a space to go away and throw those temper tantrums in a way that is releasing, with out harm to others.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
My tongue hurts from years of biting it! Moving forward, I vow to share my truth, gently in a way, that perhaps challenges others, not in the offensive my way or the highway style, more in the, hey I kinda see it this way style .. I thought I would begin my blog responding to a few things, I wanted to say but in the moment lost my voice a little.
Quote from well meaning father, " Oh, I will pay for all this video game playing later. He's going to be defiant, rough and will want me to know things I have know idea about. We don't let him play video games very often cause he's so hard to handle afterward."
What I wish I had said (as opposed to the polite smile and nod). "Sounds like he needs to find a way to reconnect with you after being exposed to new ideas and information. It can be a big job to cycle all of that in to ones knowing and awareness. Maybe the two of you need to find a way to get reconnected. I find with my boys a good wrestle, a cuddle in bed, a story or joining right in to play the game can really make a difference in our relationship."
Well meaning relative, " I have heard when you are home schooling, you can get all the work done, in a few hours." Again, a polite smile and nod was all I could muster, as I was afraid I might explode with expletives that truly would not bring forth careful thought or understanding of the truly brilliant life my boys lead. Upon reflection, I could have said, " For our family, the line between living and learning doesn't exist. We are blessed with the opportunity to freely choose how our day unfolds and truly don't pay attention how much time we spend on any particular activity."
And so there begins my blog!